Time to Talk Thai

Sitting in the Chiang Mai International Airport drinking coffee and observing the comings and goings of many nationalities, I find myself reflecting on the past 3 days in Chiang Mai. My first visit to Thailand did not disapoint, and I say first visit because I know I will be back at some point to this beautiful country. In 3 days we barely scratched the surface of what just one city has to offer. The sweet sticky smell of Durian (not so much a favorite) to the smoky charred bbq aroma of the grilled meats and vegetables, every corner and turn held more delicious surprises.

Chiang Mai is known as the city of temples, and I would have to say we couldn't walk more than a few steps without encountering another temple. Each temple just a little different and unique in it's own way. Walking through the old city made me contemplate and wonder about the history of this city that seems to be hovering on the verge of ancient and modern. Looking at the wall and the temples I wondered why was the wall built, you only build a wall generaly as protection, so I did some research and discovered that Chiang Mai gained it's independence after much of Thailand. They gained freedom from Burma and then joined with Thailand. This led to more reading about the temples and the history of the temple on the hill. Doi Suthep temple is high on the moutain about 25km outside the city. Story goes, an ancient monk known to have a piece of the shoulder bone of the original Buddha came to the base of that mountain, and the bone broke in two pieces. One piece was left and a temple was built in the area, and the other piece was tied to a white elephant who wandered the jungles until he died. The place in which he died was where Doi Suthep was built and then housed the piece of shoulder bone. The little stories and nuggets of history like this are what make me want to meet and talk with the people in a place. I want to hear their stories and their history.

The smells, the sounds, the people, the sites, all put together make a place beautiful.

While we did get to spend a good amount of time seeing some of the local sites (like the Elephant Poo Paper Factory), this trip was about more than just seeing Thailand. Gettng to the heart of Thailand and the needs of some of the people here was the ultimate goal. This journey led to that as well. Like all places in the world, there are needs here. Two that I became most aware of were the need for education for all students, and the need for orphan care (which is somewhat a two part need).

First as I began to hear of the need for education, we learned that most students do not recieve beyond a grade 6 education. This continues to a create a cycle that prevents people from being able to make sustainable livings for their family. Thailand also ranks as one of the lowest English speaking Asian nations. The lack of English knowledge for many prevents them from being able to obtain higher paying jobs and better future for their families. There is also a region of Thailand in which 80% of the children do not live with either their father or their mother because the parents leave to go work somewhere else in the country, or if possible in another country, just to make enough to provide for their families. (This also leads to the next issue of orphan care to some degree). The lack of education then also leads to a lack of job opportunities for those in the country.

Second, there is a high rate of orphans in Thailand. For various reasons these children do not have homes, or proper homes, and there is need for places for these children to live and receive a proper education and care. The ideal situation would be families in Thailand taking in and fostering these children, but with that comes the need for training and education and support for these families who are willing to care for and love these children.

There are many layers to all of this obviously, and in my brief 3 days here, I am by no means an expert on the challenges found here, however, I am now more aware that while this place is a land of beautiful land and beautiful people, there are also ways others can help meet needs of those who can greatly benefit from just a little boost.

I look forward to seeing if The Remedy Foundation can be a partner with some here, or if this is simply a way to help connect others who may hear this and say I can be the one to help. Now the journey continues to Malaysia for a few more adventures.

The Journey Continues... Finally

Two years have passed since my last posting, and there has been a lot of beautiful adventurous journeys happening. The journey never really stopped, but my blogging did for some reason. Not for lack of ideas or happenings to blog about, but just no particular reason.

However! Now is the time for these little ramblings of mine to resume. I am about to embark on a new adventurous journey, one in which I am supremely excited about. I have no idea where this particular journey will take me, but I do know that I have spent a great deal of time praying that God would guide me in the right direction, so I have no doubt this journey will be just as beautiful as the others thus far in my life.

I have begun working with a non-profit organization called the Remedy Foundation, and we will be working to provide sustainable solutions to people in need. You may be wondering what exactly does that mean... well it just means we will be doing what we can to help those who need it, and those who

may be overlooked or ignored. Just like it says in Matthew 25:31 - 40, "When He finally arrives, blazing in beauty and all his angels with him, the Son of Man will take his place on his glorious throne. Then all the nations will be arranged before him and He will sort the people out, much as a shepherd sorts out sheep and goats, putting sheep to his right and goats to his left. Then the King will say to those on His right, 'Enter, you who are blessed by my Father! Take what's coming to you in this kingdom. It's been ready for you since the world's foundation. And here's why:

• I was hungry and you fed me, 
• I was thirsty and you gave me a drink, 
• I was homeless and you gave me a room, 
• I was shivering and you gave me clothes, 
• I was sick and you stopped to visit, 
• I was in prison and you came to me.'

Then those 'sheep' are going to say, 'Master, what are you talking about? When did we ever see you hungry and feed you, thirsty and give you a drink? And when did we ever see you sick or in prison and come to you?' Then the King will say, 'I'm telling the solemn truth: Whenever you did one of these things to someone overlooked or ignored, that was me - you did it to me." 

I truly believe God has called me to be like the hands and feet of Jesus, and so I plan to live that out in whatever way He leads me. This is not a calling just to me, but my whole family, and we will all be getting involved as we discover the needs of those we encounter.

So! What does all this mean. Well first, I will still be involved with the NGO I have worked with in the past (PNP Global), and who knows what other groups or places God will lead. Secondly, as for the Remedy Foundation, I leave tomorrow on an initial partner meeting let's call it. I will be meeting with groups in Thailand, Malaysia, India, and Sri Lanka. The next 2 weeks will be a whirlwind of travel around the world, or meetings, and discussions, and seeing where can we begin to partner in order to start providing some sustainable solutions to the 'least of these' or those who may be ignored or overlooked.

Everyday it seems God is opening more doors to those who are in need, or those who are connected to those in need. So, I sit tonight, on this eve of one of the greatest adventurous journeys I have ever embarked on, just wondering, which direction do I go. Which group is the place to partner, one, many, a few. Only God knows, and I will be obedient, and just follow the way in which He leads. For now, at this moment, He is leading to Thailand, and from there on, and on. So I say farewell for tonight, and will update again from Thailand in a few days!

Where did the last 2 months go... Concussion, Sri Lanka, and General Crazy

So it has been just over 2 months since my last post. So many things have happened in the last few months and there have been numerous times I have wanted to post. I have written many posts in my head and just not had the chance to sit and write them. Several things have happened in the last 2 months.

1. I got a concussion... funny story actually. I decided to take my new camera to the zoo for some practice. I didn't have my kids and let me tell you it was one of the most peaceful afternoons I had enjoyed in a long time! Don't get me wrong I love going to the zoo and hanging out with my kids, but there was something so relaxing about being at the zoo and just wandering around with my camera (picture from that day at zoo below). I also realized I wasn't rushing to do anything... I was just meandering along the paths at my own pace with no schedule. It was amazing.... Until I ran into a pole and got a concussion...

Yes, you read that right. I ran into a pole while walking and hit my head so hard I got a concussion. I wasn't on my phone or texting or doing anything at all except not looking where I was walking. As soon as I hit my head I knew I had hit it pretty hard because it took a good while before I could see straight again, but I had no idea the severity. The next morning Matt could tell something wasn't right. I was having trouble speaking and I couldn't focus my eyes well. I spent the weekend resting and went to the doctor on Monday. He confirmed I had a concussion and a fairly severe one at that. I was ordered to spend one week with no screens and pretty much total brain rest. So put my phone, computer, tv away and spent a lot of time sleeping and coloring. I was still having some trouble at the end of the week and it took a good 2 - 3 weeks before I was feeling like myself again.

This was a good detox period for me. I mean obviously I was completely removed from technology for a few weeks and we probably all need that sometimes. The biggest negative besides just not feeling like me... was I got so behind in life. I got behind in doing work for school, I got behind in maintaining my housework, I got behind in helping kids with school work, and just generally did not get to do a majority of things I had planned to do.

Even though I got so behind however, the most necessary things got done and life moved on. I definitely have much greater sympathy for anyone who suffers head trauma though! Dealing with that concussion was one of the hardest things I have had to do! (The fact that I ran into a pole and got a concussion probably does not surprise most people that know me well... that is pretty typical accident prone me!)

2. Relatively quickly after the 3 weeks of recovering from the concussion I left for Sri Lanka. I had about 1 week after feeling mostly recovered to get ready and it was so busy! I spent 10 days in Sri Lanka (gone from home almost 2 weeks with travel time to and from) and it was AMAZING! As always I felt like I was home while I was there. It just felt so good to be back and see my friends again and make new friends. Truly there are people there who have become family to me. I spent time at a National Park with some great friends/family and had an amazing time taking pictures of God's amazing creation, seeing beautiful animals, playing games, chatting and just enjoying 3 of the most peaceful days I have had in a long time (picture to the left is from the National Park). After that I spent 1 week helping conduct a conversational English program at the Faculty of Engineering University of Ruhuna. The program as always was a lot of fun and I am very glad to have made some new friends this time as well. As always the trip ended way before I was ready, and it was time to come back home. The only bad thing about this trip... I ended up with some allergic reaction to something and had the worst rash all over me! It kept getting worse and as we traveled home for 48 hours it spread and continued to get worse. As soon as I landed I had to see a doctor to get some treatment/relief. I have been home a week and half now and am still slightly itchy. I would take the rash and itching any day if it meant more time in Sri Lanka. Love the place, love the people, and love my family there. I can't wait to have Matt and the kids meet the places and people that have found such a special place in my heart!

So between these two major happenings in the last few months all the weeks in between have been just as eventful. I feel like things have just not stopped... so much is happening on all fronts... school changes... home changes... family changes... personal changes... sort of like fighting a war each day and the war is taking place on so many fronts... and while one front may be managed the one to the south is falling apart etc.

I spent a lot of time thinking the last few days... those of you closest to me know why I may have been doing so much thinking. But, in the time I have spent thinking the last few days I was reminded of the lyrics to the song Unstoppable God.

"Unstoppable God
Let Your glory go on and on
Impossible things
In Your name they shall be done
Nothing shall be impossible
Your kingdom reigns unstoppable
We'll shout Your praise forevermore
Jesus our God unstoppable"

I love the reminder of this... the God I serve, the God I believe in, the God who is the God of any person in the world (anyone... no matter what culture or background you come from) who choses to accept Him, is a God who does impossible things. A God who is in control no matter what crazy things are happening in life. It doesn't matter what chaos is happening God is still in control. There is nothing happening in this life that He is not already aware of... and while I might feel like things are out of control... and things are spinning in a thousand different directions He is way way bigger than all of that. Nothing shall be impossible for Him. Things that just seem so out of my control and so just impossible to me are not for Him, and what is amazing is that I am a child of this Unstoppable God and He says that as a child of His I also have amazing power.... His power through me. I know that whatever happens in this life is to further His kingdom because His kingdom is Unstoppable... and He has a plan for me so much bigger than I could ever even imagine. If I shout His praises and spread His love in everything I do then I am doing what I was created for. 

And really, all that matters is Him... all that matters is that His love is made known to every person on this planet... It is so easy to get just lost in the junk that is this sinful fallen world. I know I need a reminder often that He is so much bigger than all of that, and He has such an amazing plan... I can't wait to see it unfold. The good... the bad... all of it... makes the journey beautiful.

I'm holding a funeral...The things I don't want to do... but do anyways...

Recently I sat down with someone whom I greatly trust and that person pointed out a few... let's say flaws... or maybe weaknesses in me. While these conversations are always hard, nothing he said was a surprise to me. I know the things that this person mentioned are things I do. Things I don't want to do, but do anyways. I can be so stubborn and hard headed... and well... this tends to lead me to respond in ways that are very not loving or Christ-like... or maybe you would never even know, but in my heart a bitterness is growing.

Sometimes I tend to just ignore what I know is right and push forward with my own agenda. This can cause problems in my marriage... in my work... in my relationships... and in just the opinion others have of me. I can't stand that I get so stuck in my ways about things. And honestly, I've posted about it before, it's my heart. It gets in the way... it gets attached to an idea... and to change that is like ripping my heart out. And then, other times, it's my heart again, not being attached to something, but being so concerned about causing another person pain, or a problem or just not being able to please everyone. So when I get so insistent on an idea, I may be giving one person everything they want, but not someone else, and I struggle with that!

So, again, nothing in this conversation I had was false, and nothing was new to me. The question in my mind, was how do I fix it? How do I change a part of me that has been a part of me for a long time.... I have to say, I have gotten better. There are things about me that I knew were a weakness that I have improved on. My hard head has softened just a little, but I tend to still forge ahead doing my thing many times without thinking. Sometimes I question if that is a bad thing, I mean some people may even call it initiative... my husband may disagree with that description though. I guess when it really comes down to it, my stubbornness and attitude that comes into play through that is a sin. And while I often will brush it aside, it is a sin that really has to be dealt with, and I am not sure how to fix it.

Romans 7: 15 - 24 says, "I can anticipate the response that is coming: “I know that all God’s commands are spiritual, but I’m not. Isn’t this also your experience?” Yes. I’m full of myself—after all, I’ve spent a long time in sin’s prison. What I don’t understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise. So if I can’t be trusted to figure out what is best for myself and then do it, it becomes obvious that God’s command is necessary.

But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can’t keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don’t have what it takes. I can will it, but I can’t do it. I decide to do good, but I don’t really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don’t result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.

 It happens so regularly that it’s predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God’s commands, but it’s pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.

I’ve tried everything and nothing helps. I’m at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn’t that the real question?" 

I read this passage and man it really hit me. This is exactly how I feel. "What I don't understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise!" YES!!! This is so true! I don't want to act in a way that leads someone I trust to have to sit down and point out my flaws, but I do! And what is so bad is I knew what they were going to say, I wasn't surprised! SO then why do I act that way??? And yes, it is true, I know the law, I know what God's command says, but yet I keep sabotaging my best intentions! Why??? So I feel very much like the end of this passage states, "I've tried everything and nothing helps. I'm at the end of my rope." Where do I go from here? Where do I go from the place of I know what to do, but yet I do what I don't want to do. 

Well, thankfully verse 24 is not the last verse, there is a verse 25. Romans 7:25, "The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different." 

Jesus, Jesus knows the answer, Jesus is the answer. When I feel at the end of my rope, and question who can help me... the answer is Jesus can. 

1. He paid the price for my sin. So while I get so frustrated and hate myself for my sin, because of what Jesus did in dying for my sin, I can know that God does not hate me. And I can still spend eternity in heaven with Him. (This doesn't mean I should ignore the fact that I sin however, I should still try to improve...) 

2. Jesus is there to comfort when I just don't know what to do I can pour my heart out to Him, and he will answer. Jesus knows, he has been God in the flesh. He knows what it is like to have to fight sin. 

3. Lastly, I don't have to be perfect... Jesus was the only perfect person. I need to stop focusing on myself, and more on what God is doing in me for others. 

Romans 8:5-8 says, "Those who think they can do it on their own end up obsessed with measuring their own moral muscle but never get around to exercising it in real life. Those who trust God’s action in them find that God’s Spirit is in them—living and breathing God! Obsession with self in these matters is a dead end; attention to God leads us out into the open, into a spacious, free life. Focusing on the self is the opposite of focusing on God. Anyone completely absorbed in self ignores God, ends up thinking more about self than God. That person ignores who God is and what he is doing. And God isn’t pleased at being ignored." 

I don't have to try to focus on fixing myself, I need to be focused on God. I need to remember that God's Spirit is in me... and think what it is God wants me to be doing. The Bible is clear about what I should be doing in my relationship with my husband, in my relationship with my kids, in my work, in all that I do. 

Romans 8:12 - 14 goes on to say, So don’t you see that we don’t owe this old do-it-yourself life one red cent. There’s nothing in it for us, nothing at all. The best thing to do is give it a decent burial and get on with your new life. God’s Spirit beckons. There are things to do and places to go!" 

It is time to give my stubborn, I am going to do this my way, attitude a funeral. I have a new life, I have had a new life since I acknowledged that God sent his son Jesus to die for my sins and I said I want to follow you for the rest of my life and bring glory to your name. So, then why do I let this part of me live that I know should have died so long ago. 

So it is time for a funeral. It is time to say, What is it you want God? Even if it hurts...(I mean dying is never pain free... someone whether the deceased of those left behind feel some sort of pain)... even if it means that I will have to let go of some things that I have been clinging to for awhile.... the stubborn, do it my way, do it myself attitude has got to be buried, and the do it God's way has got to be born and cared for and grown. 

My way may be all adventurous, but to truly be beautiful, God's way has to be a part of the journey too. 

I lost 15 pounds in 20 days!!!!

The end of my juice reboot has come! I have been juicing for the last 21 days and I feel amazing!

1. I am proud of myself for sticking to the juice! (Thank you to my friends (you know who you are) who kept me going when I was sure I was ready to quit!)

2. All the symptoms I was having of just feeling awful are gone! All the reasons I was going to the doctor before are no longer there! I would like to get my blood checked again in a few weeks to see if I am still having an issue blood work wise, but I feel completely back to my old self and even better than before!

3. I have made huge strides toward one of my 2016 goals! I have lost 15 lbs (about 7kg for my metric friends)! I still would like to loose another 21 lbs (about 9.5 kg). So, I have set another goal for myself of losing that by my 31st Birthday! (September 3, 2016 if you didn't know).

So, how did it go? For the most part the 21 days was easy. I was never hungry (except the one day I didn't have the juice I was allowed to have, so 'duh' I should be hungry). After the first few days I didn't really have terrible cravings, other than craving chewing! The foods I wanted most.... kiribath and lunu miris (milk rice and chili/onion sambol... doesn't it look amazing!) and a banana! And I will be honest... I plan to eat both those things pretty soon this week!

The hard parts... prepping all the veggies and fruits for juicing. Just the planning involved took some work. And cooking dinner for my kids every night and packing their lunches and making their breakfast. There are so many times when I would normally have a bite here, lick a spoon there, lick my finger here.... I mean it is crazy! I didn't realize how bad it was until I stopped myself every single time. The smells were really hard... fresh pizza, hot bread, brownies, teriyaki meatballs... Every where I turned I smelled food... but you know what, I am currently sitting in Starbucks and normally the smell of coffee would drive me insane! I would have to have a cup of coffee and not just plain black coffee but a Carmel Macchiato and of course I always got nonfat milk and sugar free syrup to watch the calories, but really did I need it... NO! And now that smell of coffee, I barely notice it. There is nothing in me that says get that coffee...As I write this, I am enjoying the last juice of my 21 days and a hot herbal tea. AND I feel COMPLETELY satisfied. The Cupcake store around the corner... no temptation anymore. The smell of the pizza place outside... no temptation.

That has been the best part about this I think. I have done all kinds of diets, cleanses, watching what I eat, counting calories etc... and I have never been able to kick the cravings like this did for me. I think because sugar was always a part of those things, or coffee, or caffeine, or they only lasted 3 days, or not long enough. I decided to go past the initial 15 days because I was feeling so good, and I chose 21 days because they say it takes 21 days to break a habit. And wow, did I have some habits to break!

Each day involved a breakfast juice, coconut water as a mid morning snack, a lunch juice, an afternoon snack juice, a dinner juice and a dessert juice. However, there were most days I didn't have the dessert juice, and some days I only had 3 juices. I was full more than I ever thought I would be. I also juiced things I never thought I would! Beets... let me tell you... I don't like Beets! But now, I think they have grown on me... I kinda like em. Cabbage... Really... juicing cabbage? But it turned out okay! I of course had my favorite juices, but there were only 1 or 2 that I just couldn't stomach. Overall, they were all pretty tasty!

So where do I go from here? Well I have decided a few things.

1. I feel so good now, I don't want to lose this. So I will be avoiding dairy, meat, processed foods and grains, added sugar, and junk. Will it be forever? For some of those things... yes... for others no.

2. This week will be a transition period. Tomorrow I won't be just jumping right in to eating again... breakfast will be a smoothie, I will still have coconut water for my midmorning snack, I will have juice for lunch and my afternoon snack, and dinner... exciting steamed veggies! The rest of the week I will slowly add in some foods other than fruits and veggies. Lentils, Rice, Nuts, Eggs, Beans, Almond Milk, Coconut Milk... but I will be staying away from those foods mentioned above.

3. I think I will add in fish in a month or so. But I plan to stay away from other meats for the time being. (We will see how long this lasts!)

4. Staying away from the added sugar in things will be hard. It is in everything, but kicking the sugar addiction is one of the things I am so grateful for. So, while it will be hard, I plan to do everything in my power to avoid this one. Dairy will be hard (not as hard as sugar), but it's another I plan to avoid as long as possible.

5. The processed foods, well convenience foods have always been a part of my life. Especially since having kids. There is something so easy about grabbing a bag of snacks and going. But, I think that is where I ran into a problem. I started compromising what foods were ok and what foods weren't because the food was easy. But now, I spent half of Saturday shopping and prepping food for kids lunches and meals this week... and then I spent all afternoon today doing the same thing. Is it easy? No. But will I be grateful that I spent time cutting veggies and fruit now, and making my own grab and go packages of healthy foods... YES! I will be so thankful because it saves time, but also because I know the food I will be eating is good for me....

Ultimately, while there were some really tough days... I am so glad I committed to 21 days of juicing. I don't want this to be just some "thing" I did... I want it to be a life changing moment. One where I look back 20 years from now (hopefully 20 lbs lighter!) and say... that was one of the moments that changed my life. That moment made me a healthier person who has more energy for her family and friends... who a has a long time left to enjoy this beautiful journey.

When Life Gives You Lemons... Make Green Juice!

One of my goals for 2016 is to lose some weight and get in better physical shape! I have been working on this goal for a few years now, and I am constantly going up and down. Well the last 4 months or so I have been steadily gaining weight, and just not feeling well. I have had some medical tests come back showing that things were just not right with me as well. As I kept visiting the doctor, we kept noticing issues in my blood work, but nothing that pointed to a definite diagnosis. 

As the doctor threw medicinal solutions at me and said, "I don't know if this will for sure fix your problem, but let's just try it." I asked myself... "do I want to be some medical guinea pig?" I didn't want to just try some medicine as a shot in the dark... especially if we didn't have a conclusive diagnosis... so I started doing some reading (I am sure doctors hate google!)... and I came across a website... Reboot With Joe. 

Joe made a documentary called, Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead, and wrote I book. I watched the film, read the book, and began thinking about all the things he said. It wasn't something I had never heard before, but it was the first time I had seen the information presented in that way. So, Joe's idea was to juice for 60 days. He had some health issues and well... was just Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead. While I may not be what someone would consider Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead... I am slightly overweight and feel totally bleh most of the time. So Joe's results really made me curious. After Juicing only for 60 days Joe felt great! He looked great! He was off his medicine and was just doing great! And he had inspired me to see if this could be something I could do. 

The idea behind a Juice Reboot is to reboot your system. We fill our bodies with so much processed junk and sugar and just way to much food! So by rebooting and drinking only fruit and vegetable juice then the body can stop going crazy trying to process a whole lot of junk that we aren't even designed to process and start to remember what it's like to process food the right way again... (that's my super short explanation... check out www.rebootwithjoe.com for the whole scoop). 

Well then, I was ready to give this a shot after I read the book and watched the film. I mean I had tried everything else I could, and I knew I wanted to try something and not just feel like I was getting no where. While a 60 day reboot would be somewhat extreme especially for me, starting with a 15 or 30 day reboot was much more manageable and according to the book, ok to try without a doctor's supervision. So I recruited my Dad (always one of my biggest fans and supporters) and watched the film with him and we decided we would both give the 15 day Reboot plan a try and then see how 15 days went before deciding whether to go longer. My biggest hopes for what I wanted out of the 15 days was to lose some weight (not gain anymore!) and to see a significant difference in how I felt (ex. more energy, less symptoms I have been experiencing etc.). I was ready to get started! 

So then what does a 15 day Reboot look like? The idea is strictly fruits and vegetables. No sugar, No grains, No Dairy, No Meat.... All things I love!!!! But also where I have gotten into trouble eating so many things that just really aren't good for my body! The Reboot begins with a 5 day transition period. Which I wasn't sure how I felt about at first. I kind of just wanted to jump right in to juice, but the plan suggested starting with some soups and salads as well to ease into the juice only diet. Then the last 10 days is juice only, and if continuing with days 16 - 30, those days would also be juice only. 

How has the Reboot been going? Well, I am on day 5 of the 15 days. This day brings about the end of the transition period. I have really enjoyed the transition period even though I wasn't sure how I felt about it. The vegetable soups and the salads have been so good! I am glad to have these ideas to add to my arsenal of recipes for after the Reboot is over! Generally, the day has begun with 8oz of hot water with lemon and ginger, then Breakfast has been a smoothie made with leafy greens and some fruit and water/coconut water. Then mid morning is a juice made with mostly vegetables and fruit... no sugar or anything added but the fruits and vegetables. Then lunch has been soup or salad mostly. I made an acorn squash and apple soup and a green veggie soup... and all the ingredients in the soup are vegetables and some seasoning with vegetable stock. The Green soup is absolutely my favorite!! I will be making it again and again! The afternoon snack is another juice, and dinner is usually soup or salad again. The prep work was a little more daunting then I thought but it was manageable and I have honestly enjoyed everything I have eaten or well... drank. 

After 5 days I wasn't sure what the results would be. Really, I didn't know if I would even make it 5 days. But, I can say I did make it 5 days! Day 1 was tough... I felt sluggish and slow and had a headache. Day 2 was harder... the cravings were hitting me hard. Day 3 - Day 5 have just been getting better and better. I feel better, I don't feel as tired as I had been feeling before I started the Juice Reboot, and believe it or not I am not hungry. I thought with just fruits ad vegetables and juice I would be starving! SO, what about the weight loss... well on day 5 I have lost 5 lbs! I know that it comes from making such a drastic change and water weight and blah blah blah... but you know for me this is huge. I have been doing everything I can the last 4 months to lose weight and just gaining, and to actually do something and have lost some weight is a huge motivator for me! Maybe I have just woken up my metabolism enough that I can keep making a positive change. 

Things I have learned from this first 5 days: 

1. I eat way too many little bites of everything throughout the day. I realized that I am a constant grazer! When I make the kids breakfast, I take a little bite. When I pack lunches, I take a little bite. When I walk through the house and see food, I take a little bite. And often I do it without even thinking!

2. I crave sugar like an addict! Breaking this addiction of sugar is going to be huge! I love sweets and chocolate and baked goods and all kinds of things! I love to cook them and I love to eat them. While these things are ok in moderation I think the problem becomes when out body craves them and we can't say no or we don't recognize when we have had enough. What has been hard about this is we just came out of the Holiday season and my house still has all kinds of treats laying around. Walking past the treats and not having one is soooooo difficult, but I have managed it so far and the cravings are definitely less intense. 

3. Eating food is connected to my emotions. I am an emotional eater. There is something satisfying about eating certain foods. The feelings I get when I eat some foods is what I am addicted too more than the food itself. So many things that aren't good for me are like comfort food, or what I like to eat on a bad day, and I realize that it becomes my go to solution. I tell myself that I deserve it or that I don't have time to make something healthy so I use my go to comfort food solution as a quick and easy option, and then I fill my body with junk. This is the hardest habit to break. I want to eat so many things that I absolutely know I shouldn't and even 5 days in not busting out the chips and salsa, or eating a slice of pizza or my favorite fast food meal is difficult. 

4. I eat because I am bored. Munching on food because I think I am hungry when really I am just bored is something my eyes were really opened to. These last 5 days I have just kept my water bottle near by and when I think I am hungry I drink a bunch of water and realize I wasn't really hungry I was just bored! I also need to clean up my snacking choices to be more plant based things vs. processed things. 

I would say so far this is working. Five days in and I am feeling pretty successful... I loved the quote, "when life gives you lemons... make green juice!" because I feel I had given my life lemons by eating such junk and getting my body to the point I am/was at. So I decided to make some green juice, and it tasted really great! Cheers to the next 10 days! 

Goodbye 2015 Hello 2016

The new year has begun, and with that brings the return to "real life." The school I teach at part time has a unique model and we have had 4 weeks off from school (some students get off 5 weeks!). While I had high hopes of accomplishing so many things for this new semester while we were on vacation... I accomplished very little. While a 4 week break sounds amazing... going back to work is like jumping into a bath of ice water. All of a sudden my system is in shock! I have to get my brain back on track to write lesson plans and create activities. In 2015 I felt super motivated to get school work done and was excited and motivated about what I was teaching. As I sat down on January 1st of 2016 and began looking at the material I would be teaching I feel like I just stared at it for an hour and didn't see anything but a blur of words. I know the more time I spend working on it the more excited I will get about it and the creative juices will start flowing, but it really is like that ice bath... my body is rapidly trying to adjust to a drastic change in temperature and I'm moving at frozen speeds...

This got me thinking though about what do I hope for this year for me as a teacher. When I went to University I never had any intention of becoming a teacher. As a little kid I never said "When I grow up I want to be a teacher!" Teaching really became a means to an end for Matt and I. We were young marrieds, had a little baby who had just turned 1, and we were graduating from University. We had both been substitute teaching to make extra money, and we needed a job... and we needed it quickly. Teachers were in high demand at the time, so we just sort of fell into the teaching profession. I think I thought it would be something I did temporarily, and here I am 8 years later still teaching. While there are things I really love about teaching, I often wonder what else is coming? Will I always be a teacher, what else will I do in life? My favorite parts of teaching are when I get to challenge the students to think about their lives, and what God has in store for them. I like getting to be creative, but so much of what I do I feel like I am limited to this little box, and anyone who knows me knows I don't like staying in a little box...

So this year in 2016, I want to discover what else is in store for me. If it is continuing to teach, how am I going to make teaching fit "me" and fit who I am. And if it is something else, how is teaching going to fit with that "something else." I want this year as a teacher to be fun for me. I want to not worry so much about the details of all the requirements that must be done paper work wise, but just enjoy working with the students and have fun with them. I want them to walk out of my class knowing that I care about them, and knowing most importantly that God has a plan so big for their life! As I think about the "how" of this goal I really want to come up with some concrete things I can do to make it happen.

But not only do I have goals for 2016 in my teaching life. I also have goals for me personally...
1. I want to lose some weight (I know the most cliche new year goal!) but really I want to get healthy. I have been struggling with feeling good lately, and have been having some medical issues and I want to find a way to just feel good again! (More on this to come in next post!)

2. I want to visit at least 2 places I have never been before. I love seeing new places and I feel like it makes me grow as a person every time I encounter new people and places, so this year the goal is at least 2 places (more is always better).

3. I also want to read my Bible everyday. I've always read at least one verse a day, but I want to make it a habit to read even more. I would love to really get in the word and memorize scripture more as well. So I will be reading more and memorizing more and for sure it will help me with my other goals as well.

4. I want to learn Sinhala. There are a lot of languages I would love to learn, but Sinhala will be a start. I have lots of friends who speak it (more than any other language so might as well start here), and so my goal this year is to learn enough Sinhala to be able to have a basic conversation. To be able to hear what others are saying and make an educated guess on what they said... and if I could become somewhat fluent, well I wouldn't be disappointed.

5. I want to deepen my relationship with my husband and kids. I want to intentionally invest time each day into them. More than just the usual time. I want to make this year a year that we look back on as a husband and wife and as a family and say that was one of our best years ever. Regardless of the punches life throws at us, I want us as husband and wife and as a family to be so close that we feel like nothing could ever separate us.

I know I have some other goals for this year, and I don't feel quite ready to put them in writing because then it becomes and official goal. As long as it is in my mind floating around I don't have to commit to actually accomplishing it. SO more on all these other goals to come in future posts because well... that is a goal as well... to be more consistent in my blogging. Mainly for me... just to have a place I put down my thoughts so here we go... Welcome to 2016... what beautiful adventures does this year hold.

Sinking Ships...

I read this recently... "Ships don't sink because of the water AROUND them. Ships sink because of the water that gets IN them. Don't let what's happening around you get inside you and weigh you down."

Right now I think it would be really easy to let all the things happening in the world get inside of me and weight me down. I always want to do whatever I can to help people in need and I love to give... my time, my money, my things, just give... With all the events of the past few weeks and all the chaos that is always happening in our world, there is often a lot of opportunity for me to give. But when I am placed in situations when I am giving to those in need, I am also exposed to incredible heartache. And that heartache often gets me down because I can't do all that I would like to do to help the people in need. So, as I watch things happening in the world, and the people that are being so abused and mistreated and the people just in need of basic human rights and human needs, I have to not let it get in and sink my ship, but I also have to be careful to not ignore what is happening. I have to look for ways to get involved and help where I can.

There is also a lot of negativity going around right now. People are expressing so much hatred towards one another right now. There are many different opinions about the things that are happening in our world and which side is right or wrong, or the best way for countries to intervene or not intervene. And I could express my opinion on that and what I feel like should be done, but to be honest, I am not in a position to make decisions, and I am seeing so much dissension over these issues... It is incredibly sad that we let the actions of a few evil people come in and divide us and then those issues divide us again and again until we have forgotten that we are all humans... we are all the same on the inside... God created us all equally and we let the color of someone's skin, the place they are from, the language they speak, the religion they practice... whatever it is... keep us from seeing them as a creation of the one true God, keeps us from seeing them as a person with the very same needs as ourselves... So regardless of how I believe the situations in the world should be handled at the moment, I have to be careful to keep the negativity out... or it is going to sink my ship...

I also love that quote because while there may be a lot of... just mess... happening all around me all the time... I think it is God who can help me keep my ship afloat... He is what has made my ship waterproof... He keeps the mess out... and when I spring a leak... well He is the one who can patch it. Because the mess will get into my life, there is no doubt about that. The question is when the mess does get in my life how do I handle it and who do I turn too. 1. I think that if I continually pursue God and make Him first in my life then I can avoid letting a lot of the mess in to begin with, but when it does get in because the world we live in is infected with sin... well 2. I can know from the experience I have with God that he will handle the situation. I can't worry about the what if's... I mean honestly... what is the worst that could happen to me.. I could die... and would that really be so bad? I know I will spend eternity in heaven that is not a bad place to be. I know I would leave my family without me, but if I were to die, God would know it... it wouldn't be something He hadn't already planned... so should't I trust Him enough to know that if He felt it was time for me to leave this earth He would make sure to provide for my family?

So, if I know these things... there really should be nothing that discourages me... nothing that sinks my ship... because I can always trust that God is in control... and as the negativity flies all around right now because of all the mess happening in the world... I can stay positive and look for ways that I  can help the hurting and help those who have been forgotten... and show them the love of Jesus through any ways I can help...





This verse about prayer really stood out to me this week... and just reminded me about how in control God is... because He can do more than I could even imagine... His love is too great to understand, but I am sure glad I have experienced and continue to experience His love... And so I will continue to trust the One who is in control of everything and believe that He will accomplish infinitely more than I could even imagine...

Life... A Daring Adventure

Helen Keller said, "Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all." I sometimes think about my life and wish for a little adventure. It seems that I crave adventure and look for ways to stray from the beaten path. But is that all adventure is? Finding those moments when you are exploring something that seems out of the ordinary? Can I find adventure in my day to day life of being a wife, mom, and teacher? Everyday new things are happening, but I often let them just roll right past me and say that life is just the same old thing every day. I let the busyness of daily life to keep me from appreciating the daily adventures I encounter each day.

I began thinking recently how can I find the beauty in my day to day when it really just seems so... not beautiful. Particularly the job of being a mom... I spend a lot of time doing things like cleaning toilets, sweeping floors, folding laundry, making lunches... And I began thinking about this life of and title I have of Mom.... How is "mom" adventurous?? How is "mom" beautiful?

I make a lot of sandwiches...


I fold a lot of clothes...


And while those things are some of the boring things of being "mom" I also get






Midnight kisses when my son thinks it is time to play instead of sleep...


And I get to read books and snuggle...


Recently my oldest asked for me to read her a chapter a night of a book before bed. She is perfectly capable of reading on her own, but she wants to do that together. I love getting to read to her. I can introduce her to some of my favorite childhood adventures that inspire me now to want to lead a life full of adventure. We can read and dream together about the worlds we encounter in the books we explore.

While I may not see much of what I do as mom as very daring or adventurous... each day brings something new with my kids. Moments that if I don't let them just pass me by make my life all that much more beautiful. And each one of those little moments add to what makes my journey beautiful...

Homework as the sun sets at Dad's soccer practice...


Smiles because we can kick a soccer ball together...


These precious moments add up to create a really beautiful journey... that is full of adventure when seen through the eyes of the unique and brilliant children God has placed in my life.

Ecclesiastes 5:18 - 20 says, "After looking at the way things are on this earth, here’s what I’ve decided is the best way to live: Take care of yourself, have a good time, and make the most of whatever job you have for as long as God gives you life. And that’s about it. That’s the human lot. Yes, we should make the most of what God gives, both the bounty and the capacity to enjoy it, accepting what’s given and delighting in the work. It’s God’s gift! God deals out joy in the present, the now. It’s useless to brood over how long we might live." 

I want to make the most of this job I have as wife, mom, teacher, friend... and each day can be a daring adventure as I encounter the beautiful moments that make up my journey... 

Finding Reality

I saw this statement recently, "What screws us up most in life is the picture in our head of how it is supposed to be."

This hit me like a ton of bricks... How many times in my life have I become so upset with the injustices of what I felt like was supposed to be instead of what is actually real. This week I had a discussion in class with my students about how fairy tales and myths affect what we believe, and almost everyone agreed they influence us by shaping what we expect from reality.

The problem with is we begin to imagine a reality that is very much a fairy tale. What girl doesn't dream of having the life of a Disney Princess, and what boy (or man for that matter) doesn't think they can be like Tony Stark of Ironman. The lives we read about in books, see on TV and in Movies look so real to us as we watch and read about these people and places that have been crafted to be "perfectly imperfect." The girl gets the guy and the castle or if not still ends up finding an amazing sense of empowerment in being a strong independent woman, and then the guy always saves the world, gets the girl, and makes millions of dollars. Good always defeats evil, problems are always solved etc. Even in the inevitable deaths of a Nicholas Sparks book/film there is good; the story may make you cry, but there was love and happiness and such unwavering love that you can't help but cry when that person loses the love of their life. Even in stories like Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, and Star Wars we see such incredible evil, and then we watch how good always triumphs!

All of these myths, stories, and fairy tales greatly shape the picture in our head of how it is supposed to be. We are supposed to fall in love, never argue, never fight, and if we do it is supposed to resolve itself in a magical 30 minutes - one hour. We are supposed to end up in the fairytale castle with little woodland creatures that come and clean up our messes. Our children are supposed to be great friends, who while they argue and fight still end up best friends who can become crime fighting superheroes who work together to save the world. We picture a world in which we have no pain, we get everything we always hoped for, we can pursue our dreams with no fear of rejection and we will always receive the support we need. Our dream life would allow us to provide for ourselves, our families, our parents and anyone else we want to help. I think we often leave school (high school or University) with this invincible feeling of "I can conquer the world!" and then we encounter a taste of reality and realize this finding a job thing is much harder than I imagined. Or this marriage thing is not what I thought it would be, because this person who could do no wrong when we were dating just really hurt my feelings and doesn't seem to care one bit. Or realize the amazing income we thought we would have is quickly depleted by the necessities of life. We get in a car accident, we get sick, our loved ones get sick, our brothers and sisters drama quickly invade our life when we are supposed to be the mediator between a sibling and parent, or we find out that life just kind of sucks sometimes.

Not only do we have fairytales shaping our perception of what reality should be, we also have social media. We see people posting about their perfect relationships, and their perfect children, and perfect jobs, and how they are "living the dream!" and say to ourselves what about my dream, what about my relationship, what about my kids, what about my job?

That is what screws us up we picture these impossible things for our life and when reality meets our dreams we are crushed. As a dreamer I have a really hard time accepting that because I want to be the one who dreams this amazing life and makes it a reality. The problem is I am finding that there are just some things you can't dream into reality. There are those moments in our life where the person we love and dream and pray will be healed dies, and there is the moment when we dream of a job that we have always wanted would happen and we don't get it or we can't make it happen, and there is the moment when we imagine the fairy tale of our home with the prince and the perfect children and don't forget the woodland creatures cleaning the house just doesn't happen. So, as a dreamer I am left with a bit of a conundrum.

How do I hang on to my idealist personality but still accept that reality is not going to always match my dreams?

I don't want to just quit imagining a better life for me and my family. I don't want to let go of the childhood hopes I had for my future. I want everything to turn out for the best. And I guess I can continue to dream and hope and pray that it does turn out that way, but I know that will mean I am faced with disappointment. I mean a large part of my hopes hinge on humans, and we know humans in their imperfection sinful state will always disappoint. So I have 2 choices really, let go of the dreams and stop being disappointed, or hang onto the dreams and continue to feel the let down of disillusionment.

I think though I would really like to find an in between place... a place where I can still dream and hope but not be disappointed when what I dream and hope doesn't happen. And I guess that means finding contentment in my reality. Coming to realize that what I have is a good thing even when evil wins (good will eventually prevail), even when people hurt me, even when what I really hoped would happen just isn't going to work, I have to look at what is good and what is right about the reality I am living in. There is ALWAYS something to be thankful for. When I let myself get so filled with disappointment over the dreams I wish would come true I cheat myself out of enjoying the good I have right in front of me. I also cause those around me to deal with my disappointment because I let it affect me in a negative way, and that causes a spiral of disappointment because my negative mood cause the relationships I want to flourish to suffer, which then leads to even more disappointment and so on and so on...

So, while I can't control how the people in my life act, and while I know they will continue to disappoint me and cause what I dream to not always come to pass, I CAN control my reactions to my disappointments. I CAN turn to what I know God tells me in Scripture, “My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9 What God dreams for me is way better than anything I could dream for myself. And it doesn't mean I am not going to filled with disappointment at times and it doesn't mean my dreams aren't going to be crushed at times, it just means that I HAVE to accept the fact that God is in control even when my life feels so OUT of control. I also have to remind myself that the Bible says, "Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7 I love how this verse doesn't say, tell God what you need and thank Him for all he has done, then he will give you all you ask for... No, instead it says "Then you will experience God's peace..." Disappointment will still come... dreams will not become reality, but there can still be peace... peace in a God who loves me and truly does have a plan for my life. 

SO...
I am going to stop letting the picture in my head, of how things are supposed to be, screw me up, and realize there is no picture. THIS is how it is supposed to be. It is like an Etch-A-Sketch, the picture keeps changing with every turn of the knob, and sometimes someone or something is going to come along and shake that picture until nothing is left and a new picture has to be created all together. I don't want to allow disappointment to cloud that new picture, I will always dream of blue skies and a life in which all my hopes are fulfilled, but I am also going to roll a little more with the punches and do whatever I can to stop living in my head and find reality right where I am...

Thirty is an attitude...

Its official... I am 30. And as this birthday has  approached I have often thought, "I feel like I should have been 30 a long time ago," but then I also think, "how is it possible I am 30 years old when I still feel like I am a teenager some of the time." This year not only brings my 30th birthday, and my middle child turns 5 years old. At 30 I have an 8 year old, an almost 5 year old, and a 3 year old. It sort of feels like I should be 30.

I know so many people who dread getting older, or who do the whole I am 20 for the 2nd time... or I am 29.95 plus tax... etc. And while yes, I can commiserate with the whole getting older feeling, but I also think we really should be celebrating and proud of each year that passes. Why do we so often hide the age we are instead of looking at each year that passes as one more year in which we can say, "I learned a lot this year, and here is what I am going to take from it." Or why not look back on the year and say, "I am so grateful for these things!" and keep adding to that list every year. Each year we get older should just be another jewel in our crown, because each year holds beautiful memories, moments, lessons, and hardships. And yes, even those hardships are beautiful, because without each one of the things that happens in our life, we wouldn't be able to grow a little stronger or a little wiser and who doesn't want to grow stronger and wiser.

So, going forward into 30, I look back and think about what did I learn this year and what I am grateful for.

Well, the first thing I learned was I am striving more and more to be a better wife and mom. And how is it possible for me to do this. Well, it comes from simplifying my life and my family life. The conversation in our house has become what can we cut so we can have more time at home and with each other. I have started thinking about ways I can better manage my time, and this summer I started putting things in place to help me do that, and as school has started I have been working to make those plans fit in to the craziness of our school schedule. 

Second, I learned I am in love with a little island and it's people. I made my first trip to Sri Lanka when I was 28, but the following 3 were made while I was 29, and I am about to make my 5th trip. I can honestly say, the place, the people, the food, they have taken a small place in my heart. And I am so grateful for all teh of the friendships and relationships I have built. I am grateful that God has allowed me to connect with this place. I could not imagine my life without these people. However, that as also taught me another lesson on loving and loving well, and loving unconditionally, and sharing my love. It is very easy to pour all of our energy into one thing at the expense of another, and I have realized I can't love Sri Lanka and cheat other things and people in my life just as much as I can't love other areas of my life and cheat Sri Lanka and the people who mean so much to me there. So it's about finding balance and making loving each important part of my life in just the right ways for them, and it won't be an overnight accomplishment, but I can work to find just the right balance.

Third, I learned I am not as bad of a teacher as I thought I was. While I may not be good at teaching all the details of a subject I am good at showing students how to be passionate about following God's plan for your life, and about loving people. And not being afraid to figure out who you are. I learned that I do need to work on certain aspects of teaching in order to better communicate with the students the information they need to learn, but also showing them I love them and care about them and want to see them succeed no matter what happens. Which leads me to another lesson I learned: I can be overly critical of myself, but not in a perfectionist sort of way... more in a way that I see how things should be and I don't think I meet that standard. This really affects my teaching in a way that when anyone says something I take it as criticism and don't take the feedback in a way that would just help me improve.

Last, (well not really last, I did learn other things, but last for this post) I learned that I function so much better when I take time for my relationship with God and my own personal growth and mental/physical health. When I make sure I have that time, it really gives me more energy to give to the other people in my life. This gives me more to grateful for, especially grateful for my husband, who lets me have nights to go the movies free of kids, or lets me go sit and have a coffee completely alone to focus on time with God, time for school or things that just allow me to grow for me. Or the time to go ride my bike and get exercise when kids are refusing to stay in bed!

So in learning these things, it has helped me decide on a few goals for this next year and what I hope year 30 will bring me.

1. More time with my husband and kids.
2. More time at home so I can feel better about how the house is running.
3. Work on listening to my husband more and communicating better so that we can continue to have another successful 10 years.
4. Balance my love for my family, my friends, Sri Lanka etc. by not cheating one to give time to another.
5. Take feedback I get and make it positive and beneficial to growth.
6. Continue to share what God has made me passionate about with the students I am impacting and the people in my life.
7. Find time for my relationship with God and strengthening myself mentally, spiritually, and physically.

I really want to embrace being 30 and I look at this as a new decade beginning in which I will be able to grow and learn even more about who God made me (that is never going to be finished), and a new decade for making relationships with my family even stronger (my kids are out of the baby years now, so this next 10 years will usher all of them into the teen years!), another decade of discovering I really did marry my best friend, and another decade for living my life to the fullest enjoying each beautiful adventure that comes my way.

Dying to Self

So, it has been a long time since I posted! This summer has been an adventure to say the least! June I was busily preparing for the school year and spending as much time with my kids as possible, and July brought a family vacation and an amazing two week trip for me to Sri Lanka. I am so in love with that place and the people, and a few of the people in particular are a part of my family now, and I can't imagine my life with out them!

Then August brought the start of school, and that meant lots of adjustments in schedule and life and just getting back into a routine. I have lots to write about things I learned and experienced this summer, but this post has been on my mind for a while.


Today was a very interesting day however, and will generate a post very soon about how amazing our friends are, and about how maybe there are times it takes God intervening for us to realize we may need to slow down! So, stay tuned for more folks, because this journey is just getting more and more beautiful by the day.

This quote came across my Facebook news feed about a month ago and I instantly saved it. I have been contemplating it ever since. I have had several thoughts about on a few different levels. First, spiritually and how I have to die a little inside and be reborn in Christ. Second, relationally particularly in relation to my husband and how I need to die a little in order to follow his lead better and wisely work together vs against each other. And third, personally as I think about the transformation process I go through as I become older and wiser.

As I thought about the idea of dying a little inside in order to be reborn, I couldn't help but think about what Christ did for me on the cross. Because Jesus died on the cross for my sins I have to die to the sinful way of human nature, and then I have to be reborn in Christ which does make me wiser and stronger. The Bible says in Romans 6: 6 - 11, "Could it be any clearer? Our old way of life was nailed to the cross with Christ, a decisive end to that sin-miserable life—no longer at sin’s every beck and call! What we believe is this: If we get included in Christ’s sin-conquering death, we also get included in his life-saving resurrection. We know that when Jesus was raised from the dead it was a signal of the end of death-as-the-end. Never again will death have the last word. When Jesus died, he took sin down with him, but alive he brings God down to us. From now on, think of it this way: Sin speaks a dead language that means nothing to you; God speaks your mother tongue, and you hang on every word. You are dead to sin and alive to God. That’s what Jesus did." This clearly represents this idea of dying on the inside in order to be reborn stronger and wiser and more like Christ. My problem tends to be sometimes that I can't seem to kill of that sin on the inside. I like to hang on to it a little too much at times, but what I liked about this quote is that it really made me think. If I just kill off that sinful part (which will never completely go away, but I can stop hanging on to some of it), then I will become an even stronger and wiser me, more and more like Christ, which is my goal to bring glory to God in being worthy of being called a daughter of God. 

I continued to think about how this idea of dying a little on the inside to be stronger spread to other parts of my life besides just spiritually. And I realized in my relationship with my husband was one for sure. There are so many times that I am extremely stubborn, it kind of is just part of who I am, but when it comes to my relationship with him, the bible is clear that he is the leader of our home. Sometimes, I can push and push and push or just not let an issue drop because the answer he has given doesn't quite satisfy what I was hoping to hear. And that is when I have to stop and die a little on the inside and tell myself (particularly tell the stubborn self centered part of myself) he is the leader, listen to him, and trust that he is leading in the right way. I have to die a little on the inside so I can put his needs and our children's needs before mine. Not in a die inside and lose who I am and be a door mat that they walk all over, but die on the inside so that in my self-sacrifice I can become wiser and stronger and kinder to the people God has placed in my home, and trusted me to love here on earth. 

Then, that brought me to thinking about myself, and how I am in a daily struggle to be stronger and be wiser, but often the way I go about doing that is not by looking in, but focusing only on the outward methods of training, when really if I did focus on the end, I would be dying a little on the inside so I can be reborn into something stronger and wiser. The idea is to let those things inside that need to die go and not just sweep them under the rug, but officially take those things out of my life, and begin to focus on building myself up spiritually, relationally, and professionally. 

I've decided to embrace this idea for the rest of the year. I want to have a goal of dying a little on the inside each day so that by the end of the year I can be stronger, and wiser, and hopefully more capable of being able to bring glory to God, my father.